when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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