As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
