so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
