somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
