Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
