I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Too much gin, very little bucket
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He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
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I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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