He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I am mentally ready for anal.
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