party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Randomize
