How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
