I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
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