I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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