The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
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