All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
