What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
