i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
