Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
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