The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
