Plan B is the new Plan A
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
my being single is dangerous.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
