Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
