She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize