We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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