When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
