Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
