We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
it was like having sex with a tree stump
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
