I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
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