He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
