I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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