You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
