My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
There r osticjed everywhere
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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