You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
