so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
