Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
