Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
