Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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