Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
