And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
