My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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