Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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