Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
