Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
