there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
