Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
