last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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