I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
