If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
