btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
you made out with another girl for some wings
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
