I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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