I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
