There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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