I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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