I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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