i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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