i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
