what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
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in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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