never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
