Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
