I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
