Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Boobs are out for the taking
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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