my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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