I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Randomize
