So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Randomize
