oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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