your thong is hanging out like whoa
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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